I just wanted to write.  After a semi-crap day, I have just returned from therapy.  Practically chugged a grande carmel machiatto from Starbucky's  and now in my head live vivid images of myself puking all over the floor. 

Nancilee and I had a swell talk today.  People need to learn to manage their emotions better.  I think if all these negative emotions could be turned into contentment everyone would feel better.  I hate this negative shit.  It all makes me crazy.  I feel like I can't even live in my own skin sometimes.  And everytime these crazy negative emotions take me over I could drive myself crazy overanalyzing the things that people say.  I take one statement and stretch it waaaay out to where the original idea is practically nonexistent in my brain.  Not to mention the things that are not said.  Me.  I can't do anything for myself.  And those fucking fairy tales that have gotten this unrealistic idea of how love is supposed to be into my head. Makes me feel like everything in my own is completely wrong.  And it's not.  Everything is perfectly fine.   There's that.  And then there's looking at the relationship that my parents have.  I don't know.  The things that everyone go through in their lives all happen for a reason.  I don't ever want anyone to feel sorry for me.  I don't want to be a burden on anyone.  There are only so many times that I can say how shitty I feel without getting scoffed at.  It's different than that.   When you feel it it's different.  It's stupid.  All of it. 

Something Corporate-Konstantine

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
but I'm slipping in between
you and your big dreams.
It's always you,
in my big dreams.

And you tell me that it's over,
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers..
and you're restless, and I'm naked.
You've gotta get out,
you can't stand to see me shaking,
no.
Could you let me go?
I didn't think so

And you don't wanna be here in the future,
So you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer
cause you're afraid to find out all this hope,
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed.
And it did,
because of me.

And then you bring me home,
afraid to find out that you're alone.
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
but we don't have much room to live.

I had these dreams that I learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country,
become a rock star.

And there was hope in me that I could take you there
but dammit you're so young,
well I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you,
then I'm sorry.
Please don't think that this was easy

Then you bring me home
cause we both know what it's like to be alone
and I'm dreaming in your living room
but we don't have much room to live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs,
doesn't she look good
standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking,
what I was thinking,
we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
and all that I could do is touch her long blonde hair.
And I've been thinking,
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking no they never got us anywhere.
no

This is because I can spell konfusion with a k
and I like it.
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it.
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
when the first star you see may not be a star..
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes,
just to lie in my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11
and now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my Konstantine

Konstantine, they'll never hurt you like I do
no they'll never hurt you like I do
no, no, no no no no no no

This is to a girl who got into my head,
with all the pretty things she did.
hey-
you know-
You keep me up in bed.
This is to a girl who got into my head,
with all the fucked up things I did.
hey-
maybe-
baby..
You could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
You spin around me like a dream, we played out on this movie screen
and I said
did you know I missed you?
Oh god I miss you.

And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no.
And you'll kiss me in your living room, 
I know
you'll miss me in your living room. 
cause these nights I think maybe that I'll miss you in my living room..
We don't have much room, 
I said does anybody need that room?
because we all need a little more room
to live.

.My Konstantine.

Sooo yuh. I'm bored and all.  Plus I got really sick of looking at that On the Waterfront entry.  I have actually nothing remotely interesting to say. I am going to the opera.  That's why I look so fancy right now.  My date and I are going to ride in a limousine there.  And then we'll drink fancy beverages and all.   ... Interesting right?  I try using my imagination.  I'm goingto tell you crazy niutcases that read this a story. 

Don't read this if you have any sanity whatsoever.

Once upon a time there was this woman who was addicted to heroin and her name was Konstantine. She wasn't really addicted to heroin but everyone thought she was because she had all these needle scars in her veins and she acted fucked up all the time.  but  what was really wrong with her was that she had this disease where she had to inject medicine into her veins to make her better.  But really it was an incurable disease so her taking the (heroin) medicine didn't really matter.  Anyway she met this raven and his name was Nevermore (sound familiar? ^_^)  . Nevermore was a pretty friendly raven and they could communicate just by looking at each other.  She had these special bird reading powers or something.  Nevermore informed her that if she would accompany him to ... Foreverland he would find her true love and she would live the reainder of her short life and she would know real happiness.  So she aid okay cause she really didn't have much else to do with herself.  Nevermore led Konstantine to a big, old, dead garden.  There was this old swing made out of wood that was hanging very unstably froma tree.  Konstantine approached the old swing, laid one hand on the rope when she noticed someone sitting on it.  He was a total babe and his name was Vincent. I'm definitely done with this story cause I don't feel like typing anymore, but I'll give you the end in a nutshell.  Vincent and Konstantine and Nevermore lied all together in the garden and the garden also had a big ferris wheel that they rode on every day cause it made them super happy.  Until one day Konstantine fell off the old swing that she loved and died.  She didn't even die from the disease.  Vincent and Nevermore were really sad and they stabbed themselves cause they felt they should pull a Romeo and Juliet.  The end.

Hahah I should be aprofessional storyteller for a living.  I'm so tired.  Won't someone please come to my rescue? Or I die. I'm definitely done now.  

To comment on 'On the Waterfront':

On the Waterfront is an amazing film starring Marlon Brando.  It is considered the number two best film of all time.  Although it is a great story, I believe what puts the movie together is Marlon Brando.  Acting of our day is absolutely incomparable.  Acting of any day is incomparable.  GOD HE IS SO AMAZING!  If you want to view REAL acting, I mean a completely indescribable acting job, this is it.  It's the kind of acting that makes the viewer just shake their head in awe. 

"I could've had class.  I coulda been a contender.  I coulda been something.  Instead of a bum.  Which is what I am, let's face it."